To Whom It May Concern:

My Resume for 2010

OBJECTIVE:

-To be hired.

PROFESSIONAL SUMMARY:

-College graduate.
-Online content production.
-Journalism.
-Writing.
-Backpack traveling in the U.S.A.
-Hostel work and management.

QUALITIES:

-Computer skills.
-Creative.
-Co-operative.
-Consonance.

EDUCATION:

-B.A. English/Creative Writing.
-University of Memphis.
-Summa cum laude with Honors.
-May 2008.

AFOREMENTIONED COMPUTER SKILLS:

-My laptop is already hooked to my arms via fingertips in a constant IV drip. Give me a program and I will know how to use it within a week if I don't already. [Yes, I know MS Office software and the usual lot.]
-Windows O.S. and Mac O.S.
-Proficient in HTML, XHTML, CSS.
-Basic PHP and MySQL.
-Typing Speed, QWERTY and numpad: causes onlookers to gasp WPM.

EXPERIENCE, MOST RECENT FIRST [Only premium viewers may see the full resume; contact me now for a free trial period!]:

After Hitting the Road with Just a Backpack and My Feet:
-Seasonal resume gap.
-Hostel Worker, 2 weeks.
-Hostel Manager, 2 months.
-(These jobs are great, but work exchange doesn't pay.)
-Hey, look, more resume gap!

After Lay-Off:
-The resume gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap.
-No job responses.

After Graduation:
-Online Content Producer and Staff Reporter, 7 months.

During College:
-Online Content Producer, 1 year.
-Data Entry Drone, 3 months.
-Restaurant Staff, 4 months.
-Conference Assistant, 2 summers.
-Undergraduate Research Assistant, 1 semester.

AND THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:

-Stay in school, have a job. Graduate school, have no paying jobs after the first one. Ever. I was paid more in excess scholarships during school than I make now looking for work.

-A cancelled check fluttered in the window. "Whoops! Who let that recession in?" We tried to close the window, but it was stuck wide open. And the glass was missing. And the house was gone. And we were standing on the empty lawn in our socks, scratching our heads and swallowing that first bitter taste on our tongues: our pride.

-Live on your feet, and find work that doesn't pay. It's easy to find work... just not people who can afford to pay you for it.

-Soloing across the country with a backpack seemed like the next logical step, but people seem to think I'm brave and not scared. But I know it doesn't work that way. Bravery is not a lack of fear; courage is being TOO scared to not fight back when you're frightened.

-It doesn't really feel good when you have a sudden, striking realization of what the chorus of "Me and Bobby McGee" means.

-"It's the greatest depression ever!" I said to myself, "except for the part where I'm not making any money."

Please feel free to contact me anytime about full-time, part-time, contract, or temporary work.

Thank you! And I hope you had a laugh. I thought I may as well do something useful with my resume, for once.

But seriously, get in touch with me about that job.

-Laura J. Bailey

snail @ solitary snail . com

Everything here worth claiming (copyright) me 2010.